i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it because I queefed?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
