Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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