Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
