i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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