apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
