you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
