Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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