I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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