All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
