You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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