dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The beer is more important than you right now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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