He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
