I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
