I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
