I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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