Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
