forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
