Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Plan B is the new Plan A
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
