I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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