You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
