East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
