dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
