i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
