her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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