I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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