You made me cry and you don't even care
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
