All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
