So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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