"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
