I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
