She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
