Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
