My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
