Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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