My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
