I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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