you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
