its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
