literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
