I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
