Heybabeimwearingurpanties
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
