dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
