I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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