too bad you live with your parents still
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
