I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
