Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
