He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
