The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
