"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
