1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
