you have to choose: penises or morals?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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